Fiery

There were so many thoughts running through my head as I gazed out at the vibrant, confident, fiery sea.

My two voices wanted to come out and play.

My abusive father calmly yet manipulatively whispering in my ear, “This is all your fault.”

And my voice, full of confidence, screaming “You are going to fail.”

However, I would not allow my lying thoughts control my every motive.

I closed my hazel eyes, took a deep breathe, and reminded my overwhelmed self that I can overcome any obstacle thrown my way.

Tomorrow is the day I confront Tim and appear as a witness in his plea hearing. Tim, my adoptive father, decided it would be a splendid idea to videotape his naked daughter, without my consent.

However, the thought of actually facing this disgraceful human didn’t taunt my exhausted brain.

I’ve faced him numerous times before. My mother loved to manipulate me into family outings desperately trying to hide every aspect of her miserable life.

However, on this radiant, April morning, the knot in my stomach became nauseated and overwhelmed with anger towards Tim.

I know people believe hate is a strong word.

I know people will tell me forgiveness is key. But I find myself wondering why would I forgive this horrific man? Why would I not hate this human that has but so much pain upon me?

Tomorrow I have to face the two out of the three aspects of my life that have hurt me the most. The Justice System and my abuser. My mother is the third aspect, but not worth my voice.

All I know through all this hurt is I do not for one-second regret going through this painfully ill process. I stand by my word and will forever be proud of myself that I stood up against my abuser when everyone thought I wouldn’t.

I am showing those that left my side, that I am worth it. And I will never go down without a fight.

This battle might not, however, be the happiness I thought I would endure, but I can still walk away with my head held high. I am facing the one person that physically and mentally ruined my body. And I am showing this scum bag that he did not defeat me and I will overcome the trauma he put upon my body.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s