Tonight, tonight…

Tonight, tonight I miss you grandpa dad.

My heart screams bloody murder for you.

I am living in a nightmare without him.

BUT…

I MUST not let these negative demons begin haunting my brain. The demons are in the corners of my brain waiting to come out and play.

Screaming and laughing, “Try to come and find me”, while slowly skipping away.

These demons are not a sudden attack on my poor tired brain.

All of them team up and try to make me tumble and fall.

Sometimes it’s the confidence demon screaming at me.

Are you sure you’re strong enough to handle this court case?

Sometimes the self doubt demon likes to wave teasingly at me and laugh while he runs away screaming, “You can’t do this. You can’t do this.”

Or sometimes each of them are in an ear screaming at the top of their lungs and every breath includes a sneer laugh until the screaming continues.

While I rock back and forth in a corner, hoping and praying for some type of relief.

I close my eyes and see the man who raised me to be empowering, joyful, and patient.

My grandpa dad.

I take three breaths and open my tired hopeful eyes

And

Tonight, tonight I am choosing to kick those god damn demons to the curb and spit in their faces.

I’ve decided to bring out my lightsaber and slash both of their overpowering heads off.

Tonight,tonight I win.

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