Be Mental. Just Be YOU.

“What do you mean I am bipolar?” I just starred that the chubby doctor. I could tell he was quite annoyed by his day, he just smiled slightly, no eye contact of course, and said some pointless bullshit that apparently was supposed to make me “feel better.”

Oh and on top of all the nonsense, not even giving my soul just two seconds to keep up, the small man told me he would put me on a starter medication to help control my current impulses. Which I am sure he just reviewed the split two seconds before he politely knocked on the brown, rather large door to the patient room.

And I am not saying that there aren’t amazing doctors in this fucked up medical world because there truly are some amazing souls that have helped me grow enormously. We just, unfortunately, need more of you. And in my case, I’ve received more annoyance than love.

Like this doctor. Completely annoyed by yet another patient that can’t seem to handle the new diagnosis that was thrown at her without any warning or support.

And how dare I ask any questions that may result in this middle-age man to be late for his next appointment. I mean he’s already at least 30 minutes behind his rounds already.

So I just took the prescription, that I’ve tried many many times before, and walked out of that rather large doctor’s office more confused than I’ve ever been.

I was bipolar? That means for the rest of my life I was going to be labeled a mental illness patient. I was going to be linked to this fucking stigma of drug addicts, convicts, and no good shits. My life was completely over according to all the news and media sources I’ve consumed myself with watching over my course of twenty-six years of life.

How was I going to survive the next forty years of my life? Would I even make it that long? According to so-called, probably made-up statistics, that I was doomed to live a perfectly happy life. So fuck was life even worth it?

And as I sit here, writing to you over two years later, I wish I could tell that past Brit, life is ALWAYS worth it. Always. No matter what your circumstance might be.

I know the confusion. The rage. The heartache that comes with the diagnosis. But most definitely I understand the stigma of mental health and the constant “just get over your past already” attitude.

To those people, I point up my pale, middle finger proud and tall, and tell you that I am grateful you’ve never experienced the pain, voices, and constant triggers that arise each morning.
And you have the opportunity to live what you believe as a “normal” life. But as you continue to live on with your quite normalized brains, I am proud to be unique and different. I am honored, quite honored to be mental.

So fuck the damn haters. Be mental. Be brave. But remain humble through all the madness that is thrown your way. And as I always tell you, never give up, no matter what your circumstance may be.

25 thoughts on “Be Mental. Just Be YOU.

  1. Thank you! Very accurately written, and so encouraging. I won’t give up on myself now, with this here laptop as my witness. Thank you, brave lady with a very clear voice. I have faith in you! Please take good care of yourself, for a very long time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pah! And fiddlesticks to the darn doctor … sometimes they are so unutterably hopeless. Don’t you worry a hoot … all will be well. It’s just a name, that’s all, and also just an opinion. Frankly what’s actually important, is how you now move forward. I love your fiery spirit and that will serve you well! You’re going to be fine. Sending a massive hug. Katie

    Liked by 2 people

  3. 🖕 😁. Thank you for sharing that, you’ve been through such difficult times and faced a lot of harsh treatment. It does sound like you’ve had bad luck with the doctors 💙, but congrats to you for getting to this point.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Needed to hear this. I’m constantly going over the giving up option in my mind and wondering exactly what impact that would have on those around me. A lot of the time, it seems like almost an exciting prospect, to not feel anymore, to not worry anymore, to not be scared anymore. You write honestly and succinctly and love reading your posts. You’re incredibly brave and strong and truly inspiring.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Great post. I might also have bipolar (or something) and am constantly torn between feeling sorry for myself while also thinking it might be a gift in a way. Having something off mentally is never a good thing, but I think it helps us feel more and see the high and lows in life in ways that other people might not. It’s like a gift and a curse.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. You’re brave and lucky. But I understand not wanting the label. I’m 64 and I still don’t like to say I have a mental illness. I say I have an anxiety disorder. I say I have panic attacks. I say I have phobias. People my age tend to compare their medications. I never say, oh, yes, my meds are for mental illness. {{hugs}} to you. You’re one brave woman!

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  7. This is gorgeous! I’ve friends with bipolar who live happy lives, though, it actually can’t be diagnosed in a minute. My friend who was hospitalized told me that the diagnosis was only confirmed after the second hospitalization because until then it could always be a manic or depressive episode, and symptoms, due to other things. I’m glad you’ve found the good doctors…
    Thank you for sharing. It makes it safer for everyone else…
    Love, light, and glitter

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  8. Do you ever question the diagnosis? That it’s something that is a part of you – not something wrong with you? I’m curious because I have dealt with apathetic doctors delivering a half-hearted diagnosis. It feels like being diagnosed should be the beginning of a solution, but it often isn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes! I’ve been to many, many doctors to help me figure it out. This was just one of my not so great experiences. After many attempts I finally found someone that truly cared for me and helped me understand. ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m really happy to hear that – both for your sake and my own. It’s hard as hell to walk into doctors office after doctor’s office (I gave up a year ago after trying 3). It’s relieving to hear you found resolve and I will give it another shot. 💙

        Liked by 1 person

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