Holidays why must you be so rude?

Holidays. Holidays why must you haunt my every thought and emotion? The good, the bad, and of course the ugly. But why must every joyful emotion come with instant panic? Instant fear of my surroundings. While I scream so desperately for my lovely voice, Her, to just shut the fuck up so my anxiety doesn’t…

Final Hard Truth After Speaking/Reporting Abuser

“I, I just don’t have anything to wear.” I yelled at my very confused boyfriend, who was trying his best to “help” the situation, but my irrational and racing thoughts clouded all my judgment. Her, my best friend you might say, is a nagging voice, that sounds identical to me, who is constantly whispering in…

The Fourth Hard Truth After Speaking/Reporting Abuser

As I sat in the corner of my bedroom, swaying my body back and forth rapidly, holding my knees to my chest. I kept arguing with my lovely voice inside my head. Who I refer to as Her. As I continued to sway and scream at myself, not a soul around, I locked my helpless,…

The Third Hard Truth After Speaking/Reporting Abuser

I see the fear in those that I love. All wide-eyed and walking on eggshells as if their next breathe I was going to explode with toxic emotion. I have a certain pattern to my behavior. I always enter a depressive yet manic impulsive state when every holiday appears. And my Mom’s birthday is slowly…

The Second Hard Truth After Speaking/Reporting Abuser

The guilt oh man will the guilt start creeping into every thought if you allow the emotion to overtake. And I know this because I allowed guilt to change the direction of my life, which ultimately almost cost me my life. I didn’t know how to handle the pain I put upon those I told…